Aquarium 2.12 -- Hive commentary

[hth]

Hi, so. I know I said that I just wanted to stay in my happy little box and write my fic and not get sucked into a lot of meta and thinky/talky fannishness, but here's the thing. The thing is, I'm over that now. Episode commentary, yay! This is for all y'all who, like me, love sga_newsletter like whoa and can't read enough about what X stranger on the internet thought about Teyla's hair in this episode. Oh, it's good to be a fan!


Everyone was right (I can tell there’s going to be a lot of “everyone was right!” in this – the perils of being the 30,000th person to recap an episode) – Sheppard is kinda disturbingly hot on his knees. Go figure. I also like how when the Hive Queen shoves him or claws him or whatever that is she’s doing, she rakes his jacket sideways and he pulls it back into place. You know, I do a lot of mocking of Sheppard for being kind of a crap military guy, so I really appreciated that little touch: he’s all, “Hey, lady, leave the uniform alone!” Either that or he’s being like, “Hel-LO! Watch the OUTFIT.” (I do a lot of mocking of Sheppard for being kind of gay, too. I mock because I love.)

Aaaaand then she takes a meeting. You know, we have a chance at saving the universe, so long as no one ever e-mails that “Things Not To Do When I’m An Evil Overlord” thing to the Wraith. Do you think even Sheppard must have felt that was kind of anticlimactic? I mean, I personally? Would be relieved, but I sort of sense that Shep might be thinking, “Man, this *never* happened to Han.”

New credity goodness! And it’s all arty and blue, and I like it pretty well. Except that main picture they chose of Paul makes him look like a dork. In the bad way. Honestly, they didn’t get great pictures of any of the guys, although Torri and Rachel look nice. Nobody looks as dingus-like as Paul, however. Poor Paul! (I almost expected them to credit Steve the Everywraith when he stalked across the screen.)

Okay, I’m not the president of McKay’s fanclub or anything, but I have to admit, he always gets one line per episode that just kinda makes me want to marry him. Temporarily, but the urge is there. This time, that line is, “Yes, but here’s the good news! You’re the ones guarding them!” That can be a regular segment, our weekly Heather Hearts McKay moment, like how we checked in every week with the Land of Make-Believe back on Mr. Rogers. Won’t you be our neighbor?

I like how everyone was all worried about McKay’s guards giving him Inappropriate Attention at the end of Lost Boys, while in actual fact? They’re doing their best to ignore him. Clearly that’s going to go as well for them as it does for everybody else on the show.

Sheppard is not fooling anyone with his “I forgot all about that rule,” is he? I mean, it’s apparent that for some reason the idea of a hidden boot-knife has never occurred to him, probably because he’s never watched tv or read a book or seen a movie or been in the military. You know, I have a good friend who’s ex-Air Force ROTC, and he used to joke all the time about how he was in the fake military; I begin to think he wasn’t so much kidding.

Thank God for Ronon (I say that to myself considerably more than once a week). “How many you need?” I can’t decide if he’s being all quasi-porny and “I got whatever you want, baby,” or if what he’s saying is, “Given your manifest incompetence, I’m not sure I want you to know the specifics.”

I know that McKay is being a very brave toaster in this episode, and I do, I give him his props for it. But something about the way he says “Desperate times, desperate measures” strikes me as fucking hilarious. I’m having flashbacks to “Letters from Pegasus,” and I almost expect him to bark out “LEADERSHIP!” Oh, McKay, even when you’re being cool, your Inner Yutz just shines through. Shine on, brother!

I wonder if Ronon is speaking out of his addiction when he gets bent out of shape about Ford drinking the last of the enzyme, or if he’s just concerned about having every advantage he can get while on the Wraith hive ship? (I know he’s pretty keen to kill Wraith, but you can tell from the way he deals with Evil Kaylee in “Instinct” that the Wraith also kind of scare the hell out of him, so this can’t exactly be Ronon’s idea of a superfun mission.) Gah, they so fucked up the addiction plotline in this episode; it could have been so much more gruesome and unsettling than it actually was.

Oh, God, and they even have ACTION MUSIC! for McKay’s big ACTION HERO MOMENT. I now have MST3K’s “This is the song written for the chase scene” in my head.

I personally think it was noble of Ronon to shout at Ford to move before he fired. Had I been him, I probably would have just fired and been like, “Oops. Dang.” Seriously, I realize he’s everyone else’s friend, but Ronon has like negative thirty-five reasons to like Ford, and I’m not even sure having him along is a tactical advantage at this point. Nevertheless, Ronon does not share my murderous nature, which is a good thing.

I know I’m being mean, but he *is* a brave toaster. Go, McKay! We’ll get you all the butter you want when this is finally over, sweetie! “I took a LOT of the enzyme! Because I HAD to!” Ow, man. He’s working *so* hard to stay focused and on target, and it’s *so* hard for him right now. You know, I’m hardly the first person to mention it, but I think it’s fucking criminal that the script manages to totally negate all of this, so that he’s basically fucked himself up for exactly the same result that would have happened if he’d taken a nap or played checkers with the guards. I know the writers have a hard-on for Sheppard, and God knows I do, too, but Jesus, this is just cruel. Let him be useful *somehow,* or else let McKay play checkers and give Hewlett a week’s vacation.

Is it just me, or does Ford sound kind of snarky and bitter when he introduces Sheppard as “Lieutenant Colonel”? Maybe he’s still irritated about that whole, “Knife? I just had the one knife!” thing, too.

Oh, Dr. Weir *requested* Caldwell’s help. She’s going to take a little break from being a paranoid, snippy bitch and ask for some favors now, huh? If I were Caldwell, I would rock myself to sleep every night with happy fantasies of throttling her to death. (I am noticing that *all* the cast is less highstrung and homicidal than I am. I’m beginning to think I need to cut back on my caffeine intake or look into aromatherapy or something.)

And then they have to go and say he has “nearly as much as Lt. Ford” in his system. See, that’s sad. He should at least have gotten to have The Highest Dose Anyone Has Ever Had And Lived To Tell The Tale! They could have thrown him that bone.

Oh! Poor Carson looks so worried. I do think he and McKay have a really charming friendship, although somehow I just can’t get on board with them as a romantic pairing. I dunno, I imprinted really early on the idea of Beckett/Ford somehow (I forget what episode, now), and now that’s the only man I want Carson to be with – bad news for me, I realize.

Plant Girl’s white vinyl outfit looks distractingly TOS-y. All she needs is a beehive and some blue eyeshadow.

Okay, like I said, I realize Beckett/Ford is a really quaint little quirk of mine and not some profound subtextual thing – but seriously, if you are pondering what I’m pondering, this is really VERY cool, with Ford and McKay both fiending and both Sheppard and Beckett trying to nurse them through it, when really, they’re each stuck with the wrong guy. It’s poignant, and in my head, part of what Carson is thinking about while he’s caring for McKay is, If it’s this bad for him, how much worse is it going to be to wean Ford off of it even if they do get him home? I don’t know, there’s definitely a story there.

Also, yeah, if they don’t go somewhere with Carson’s backstory, that’ll be a fucking waste (not that they haven’t fucking wasted good dramatic opportunities in the past, such as, oh! this episode). He delivers that “inkling” line so very well, I’d hate to think it was designed as a throw-away.

I love Teyla. She’s all like, “Um? You can do it, Mean Guy who held me hostage! Hang in there!” And then walks three feet away and is like, “I got nothing.” She’s trying, though! Bless your heart, Teyla. Although it would have been nice if you could have jumped in there after “Is that what’s going to happen to us?” with something like, “Not at all! We have much less enzyme in our systems!” She’s normally such a good babysitter; I guess the enzyme isn’t doing her any favors either.

Ronon gets up to eyefuck with the Wraith, though. I mean, he gets shot for it and all, but due credit. He and Rodney are both brave toasters! Meanwhile, Teyla’s standing there thinking, “I hate my job.” It’s hard to see because of the way the shadow falls, but it looks to me like she’s trying not to start crying. I hope that’s the case, because I like Strong Female Characters as much as the next person, but I wouldn’t it be very cool if we could all admit that sometimes in situations like this, there is in fact every reason to cry, even if you’re a tremendous badass the other 364 days a year? I don’t know, I personally am one of those chicks who cries, so I always feel validated when my heroes do, too. It’s why I loved Buffy and Scully so very, very much. Well, it’s not the *entire* reason. But I liked it.

Now, I’m *sure* the Exorcist line was supposed to be a throw-away, but I’m sort of fascinated by it. Given how (*cough*) experimental so much of what Beckett does these days is, I could see him feeling more and more like there’s a weirdly mystical element to it, in that Bradbury sense about dealing with technology so far beyond what you can wrap your head around that it becomes for all intents and purposes magical. He’s half a faith-healer by this point. Being Scottish, he’s probably not Catholic (they’re mainly Presbyterian and CoE, unless I’m much mistaken?), but it’s an interesting line anyway, and I wonder if he doesn’t feel like he’s laying on hands and wrestling with demons more days than just today.

I’m distracted by how perfectly Elizabeth’s lipstick matches her shirt. I don’t remember what story it was, but someone wrote Sheppard being all huffy about how he had a limited supply of hair product but the women were allowed to bring all that makeup and it was totally not fair! That was just one of those moments of brilliance that stuck with me, and I always think about it when I see Elizabeth. She doesn’t so much go in for the natural look. That’s okay, though; that makes perfect sense. She’s a diplomat, so she’d probably be most comfortable when she can appear as polished as possible, as opposed to a scientist or academic who does the bulk of their work in labs or lab-like conditions. I feel like I’ve been talking about Elizabeth’s lipstick for a long time now; this commentary gig really goes to your head.

I wish Sheppard didn’t sound quite so much like he was having a revelation when he says “Til they’re ready to feed.” D’oh – they’re going to EAT US? Since WHEN? Sigh.

Yes, the clown thing is very cute, but what I really like about it is *why* he’s doing it. Sheppard is a Morale Officer trapped in a Lieutenant Colonel’s body, you know? It just really matters to him that everyone stays cool and as positive as they can be under the circumstances; he never seems inclined to lead by scaring people, particularly civilians. This is part of why I always think of him as Sheriff John – he’s such an officer of the peace at heart, you know? He’s always like, “Now, calm down, little lady, everything’s gonna be just fine.” I love him so. And if he’s talking out his ass and he doesn’t have any actual comfort to impart, he’ll just distract you with goofiness to take your mind off the impending doom. I realize that I’m going to be thirty years old in a couple of weeks and my biological clock is GOING LIKE THIS (think *My Cousin Vinny*), but I don’t think that’s *entirely* to blame for the fact that I’m fixated on the idea of Sheppard as a dad. He’d just be a fucking *great* dad. If he didn’t, you know, die.

Everybody was right: McKay does seem pretty fucking nonchalant, for a guy who killed himself to impart this information. He’s all like, Okay, had my shower, had some lunch, where are we with this whole saving-my-cherished-friends business? I know they want to reassure us fragile fanpersons that McKay is hale and hearty again, but there had to be a better way to do this scene. Also, I know in actual, factual reality, you would have to relay all this backstory to Elizabeth, but it’s sucking the pace wayyyy down. A little creativity in how we handle exposition would not have been totally out of place here.

Also, Ronon and Teyla are fine now. Sigh. I know I’m kind of a drama queen, but seriously, couldn’t *someone* have limped their way out of this episode in poor health? I mean, not the Dead Lackey, but someone we care about? I’m not trying to get anybody brutalized here, but this is the kind of thing that makes this show hard to take seriously. It is, however, a nice piece of characterization for such a short scene: Teyla was always pretty fond of Ford, so I like seeing that he’s still on her mind, and the cool thing to me about Ronon’s Kung-Fu movie wisdom (in addition to the fact that I have a thing for Kung-Fu Master!Ronon, about which I’ll have more to say in my “Epiphany” commentary) is how gently he delivers it. He’s not all like, “Cowboy up, woman, we’ve got people to kill!” He really seems empathetic with her, like he can relate to how easy it is to get sucked into what you’re feeling and he’s trying to share with her what works for him. He also seems to be delivering the line to a friend he wants to help, not just a comrade that he needs at peak capacity.

Okay, here’s the thing about Plant Girl and her sad story. Back in “Suspicion” when people were all like “Collaborator!” I pshawed the whole dumb idea, because who in the Pegasus Galaxy is going to look at “collaborator” as a viable career choice? I mean, it’s not like turning Nazi, where you can be like, “Wave of the future! Great dental plan!” and genuinely think you’re doing a laudable, or at the very least sensible thing. The Wraith haven’t been playing this whole “Will eat you and everyone you’ve ever cared about” thing too close to the chest, and it seems like the few times they’ve struck bargains with people, the people are very much in a bad bargaining position and know that. I defended the Athosians to my television screen. “Be reasonable!” I said. “What would they have to gain from that? What possible motive could they have? It’s JUST PLAIN RIDICULOUS.” And I was right, yay! There was no collaborator. I was all smug. “Yes,” I said, “you see? Use your heads, people!”

And now, apparently, it’s a viable career choice. Sigh. I mean, okay, people are pretty wonky and they do a lot of weird things. But this one just seems...particularly weird. To the point of, I’m not sure I’m buying this. I mean, I know some stuff about cults, and there are very specific ways they seduce people in and play with your perceptions of reality until their worldview begins to make sense to you. I have a hard time seeing the Wraith employing any of those methods; they just don’t have the fucking patience for it. Their sales pitch is basically, “I am your death! You are second breakfast, and yo momma is elevenses!” Who goes for that, you know? Who’s like, “Wave of the future! You got a dental plan?” I could understand the dude in the prison-planet ep whose name I can’t remember, because I totally get trying desperately to strike some kind of bargain, even knowing your chances of pulling it off successfully are not good – anything you can do to increase your chances of surviving, no matter how unsavory you find having to deal with Wraith. The whole Wraith-worship thing? I don’t know, it strains credibility a little bit for me. And “many thousands,” too? People are nuts, but that’s *awfully* nuts.

The clowns are still cute, but you know what I focus on this time? The Sondheim joke. How great would it be if Sheppard were secretly totally into musical theater? Taped up behind his Johnny Cash poster, he has his prized original cast recording of A Chorus Line on vinyl, he has a crush on Mandy Patinkin, he sings “Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair” in the shower? I think this is unlikely, but it is perhaps the *only* way they could make me love him more – so, PTB, if you’re listening, my favorite Sondheim musical is Into the Woods! (And the urge to Atlantis-cast a Sondheim musical will no doubt pass, but wouldn’t you pay to see their “Weekend in the Country”? No? Just me, then?)

I know people complained about teasing us with Zelenka and then not actually letting him do anything or say a complete sentence, but personally, I love the idea of Zelenka just kind of following McKay through the halls, reassuring himself that everything is back to normal. He has nothing in particular to contribute, he’s just keeping an eye on things! Clearly he’s still shaken by McKay’s latest near-death misadventure.

I realize it’s probably because he knows she’s Plant Girl, but I am still terribly amused by how difficult it is for Sheppard to make himself put his hand on her shoulder. He *so clearly* does not want to at all. Actually, I’m not convinced it is because he knows she’s Plant Girl, although obviously he does; Sheppard may be the Morale Officer, but he’s very, very, very un-touchy. He doesn’t do physical comfort. This is why if he ever does hug anyone on Atlantis, it’ll pretty much be the same as giving head and/or proposing marriage would be for any other character.

“Tell me what it looks like.” “Like every other world, I suppose. Like Vancouver.” Ba-dum-cha. But seriously, folks. If the rising music when she asks for the planet’s name is meant to indicate that this is the moment when John puts two and two together and gets Plant Girl, then just triple everything I said about his dislike of physical closeness. If you subtract the possibility that he’s freaked out by her being an agent of the Wraith, then he’s *really* being freakish about being sidled up to by a stranger. I really find that aspect of his character fascinating, particularly given how quick fans are to assume that he really is some kind of Casanovaing frat boy in space. More on *that* in my Epiphany commentary, too. (Consider this a trailer!)

The Wraith snuck up on him pretty easy, didn’t they? Oh, Sheppard, I know. You’re a pilot! You can’t be good at *everything.* (But seriously, get a backup weapon, Jesus.)

“Yeah, yeah, I know about that, because – I’m one, too.” Also, Sheppard’s a bad liar, so it’s a good thing the Wraith aren’t super bright. Look, he’s a *pilot,* okay? And I’m sure he’s very good at that. (And get a backup weapon, Jesus.) He does sort of warm to this intrigue business, though, so I wouldn’t call him a hopeless case.

I’d be all “Yay, Ford!” for saving Sheppard’s ass, but since he’s the only reason Sheppard’s in this mess to begin with, frankly I think it’s the least he could do. I think Veronica Mars will back me up on this (any V.Mars fans in the house?)

Somebody else thought it was relevant that Ford calls him “John” when Sheppard says, “I’m not going without you, Lieutenant,” in that while Sheppard is trying to invoke the whole leave-no-man-behind thing and essentially pull rank/assert his responsibility as Ford’s CO, Ford is sort of exempting himself from that structure, like saying, “Nice thought, but we’re just two guys now, so you can’t give me orders and you don’t have to save me.” And I like that idea a lot – my only quibble with it is that .3 seconds ago Ford called him “boss,” so I don’t know how much that shift in roles really is in Ford’s mind right now. Also, it’s awfully subtle for Atlantis writers. But it does make a great story. It *should* have been true.

OMG, Ronon. I love him SO MUCH, with his little smile and lip-lick when he sees Sheppard alive, and matching Sheppard for cocky-cool with, “If you don’t mind.” You know, when I originally decided that what I wanted to do with my live was write Sheppard/Ronon/McKay fic, I had this thing in my head about how Sheppard is basically what you would get if Ronon and McKay were fused into a single person, and I was interested in the idea of how he saw them as each relating to and understanding this distinct side of him when neither of them really quite got him in his entirety. That’s actually not at all what ended up happening, but I still think Sheppard is totally their love child. This was one of Ronon’s more Sheppardesque moments. And then he’s so bouncy when he holsters the gun and jogs after Sheppard and Teyla; he’s all like, “Sheppard’s home! New lease on life, woot!” I’m sorry, I don’t care how much of a McShep OTPer you are, you have to be a little bit charmed by Ronon’s enormous mancrush on Sheppard, don’t you? So fucking adorable! (Don’t write it, though, not if you’re just going to break his heart. Bunch of savages in this fandom.)

I’m not much for Mitch Pileggi, but he does kind of have a nice ass. At least, I feel that way today for some reason.

Mmmm, CGI space battles! I guess you have to give straight boys something to watch.

Also, what’s with the lame fake-outs? I mean, no, sorry, we’re not going to start thinking Sheppard & Co are dead and then be all like, “WHAT? ALIVE? YAY!” when they turn up in thirty seconds, so really, what’s the point? Maybe it’s in Hewlett’s contract that in x number of episodes per season, none of his scenes are allowed to have any actual point. The producers are all like, “So you can ACT, can you? Bwahahaha, don’t get cocky about it! We can still make you totally irrelevant, no matter HOW talented you are!”

You know you’re a stud when you can go through all that and make it out with your kick-ass yak-skin trench coat. Also, okay, OMG, his little bare feet swinging off the edge of the infirmary bed! The cute, I can’t *take* it. I don’t know why I have a thing for bare feet on men; they have no effect on me one way or the other when they’re female feet, but boys with bare feet? Rawrrrr! They just look so naked and sexy and vulnerable and I want to lick right under their ankles. It’s just a thing I have.

I wonder if there’s something kind of snarky about Teyla’s “The Colonel was kind enough to make us whole again.” Like she’s really saying, “Yes, in this episode as well I had nothing of interest to do, but Sheppard saved everyone, so that is *very* exciting.” That would be cool. I often imagine that Teyla is putting the smackdown on everyone around her in her very dry way and they’re just too dim to notice, but I don’t know, that may just be wishful thinking on my part.

Is that a choker-style thing Ronon is wearing around his neck, or are his regular necklaces just twisted around funny so the clasp is by his throat? I mean, this kind of thing is important, people! Okay, it’s not.

Love that cheese at the end! “Ford is dead! OR. IS. HE?” I guess that all depends on what Rainbow’s career looks like this time next year.

So, overall. Uh – they’re off the Hive ship, so yay! This episode was obviously written by McDonald’s employees who had markers stuck up their noses and a ten-hour deadline – seriously, can we get a little *narrative craft* with this show, *please*? I mean, I love the actors, and they always manage some nice moments, but when you only have one plotline, and yet half the show could literally be excised entirely and it would end the exact same way, that is what we English majors are learned enough to call NOT COOL. And when it’s the half of the show to which you have banished all the good acting opportunities, that’s just adding insult to injury, because it makes me *depressed* about how meaningless it all was; if all of McKay’s stuff had merely been dull, I could have gone for milkshakes or whatever and waited for it to pass.

And yet, I am a whipped dog, because my indignation is already giving way to, “Must! Recap! Epiphany!” So, okay, Aquarium, I’m gonna let you off the hook this time. But seriously, I have to study for some finals this week, so if you want to tag along and maybe pick up some pointers, love to have ya. I’ll bring the beer, and you can explain that whole thing to me about why everyone speaks Athosian but not Czech and how come they live on Atlantis and never seem to have seafood. It’ll be superfun!

Comments

[sweetvalleyslut.livejournal.com]

Veronica Mars should totally move to Pegasus and take over Atlantis. That would rock.

[hth-the-first.livejournal.com]

I bet she'd be a lot better at it Elizabeth's job than Elizabeth is. Actually, I think Intergalactic Diplomat-Negotiator-Maker-of-Decisions-Under-Pressure is totally Veronica's optimal future career. Also, every time she used her top-level security clearance, she'd be just a little bit orgasmic. Veronica totally needs top-level security clearance, the better to know everything about everybody with.