hth | fic: Alpha Centauri 7.5 -- Mutual Thing

Mutual Thing
by Hth
part of the Alpha Centauri series

NOTES AND WHATNOT: I can't finish the freaking series until the new season starts, not so much because I'm afraid canon will screw me up (it always does, so why sweat it?), but because there's stuff coming up that fits so well into what I planned to do with 8 that it would be a crime not to use it. Meanwhile, it occurred to me that at the end of 7, I said some things were going to happen that, on further reflection, y'all might like to actually see happen, rather than just take my word for it. Thus, this bright and uplifting little breakup story, which takes place shortly before "Michael" and contains very minor spoilers for that episode and for "The Tower," as well as a whole mess of references to everything previous to this in the Alpha Centauri universe. Seriously, don't even think about starting with this one.

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TRAGIC.

oh, man, killer.

I know, right? I wasn't sure I really wanted to write it at all, but I thought its absence would be glaring, once we jumped into 8 and they were broken up already. Anyway, I tried to keep it ugly, but short -- like the anti-Ronon. *g*

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From:

myalexandria.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 05:01 pm (UTC) - Expand

Oh, man. That one broke my heart and John's too.

Yeah, poor John. He has so little outlet for his emotions. He's just going to drag around being miserable and sniping at people for the next -- well, three episodes, at least. He needs so much therapy.

Man...I don't know how I feel. I mean I want to feel bad for John because *no Rodney* (or Ronon), but I almost don't because he's stubborn and such a boy and just GUH frustrating. I mean you have him say things to Rodney like, don't you realize how everybody wants you, but then he says things like, I could take Ronon away from you just like that, and that just...it makes me sad and a bit angry and just all mixed up. (which of course is a testement to your amazing writing)

But now I think I'll go reread Hand of Yes for the 14,000 time and wrap myself up in the squishy McDex love in that story, and patiently await for you to make it all better in this universe.

Thank you so much for this.

He is frustrating. His communication skills suck so bad, they're at like negative.

The thing I think is sad about John here is that, you know, he's bad at a lot of things, but he's tried so hard to handle the Ronon situation to Rodney's benefit at the expense of his own. He does want to see Rodney happy, and he is afraid that if he gets involved, this whole buried thing between him and Ronon will take over and push Rodney to the side. So here he is, madly trying to sublimate so that *Rodney* can end up being the one with someone else to go to, and I think what would really help would be a little credit, you know? I mean, I know the way he said it to Rodney was pretty nasty, but I do think it was his dumb way of saying, "You're more important than me in this, and I'm taking myself out of the game for you." He really needs somebody in his life who can say, this is hard for you, but you're a good guy. But of course, he hasn't let enough people get close enough to him to see that, so he's not going to get that.

Anyway! I do think, for what it's worth, that John really gets to come into his own in part 8, and to step up and really be the hero of the story for once. He's the one who's really had a character arc throughout this, and I do want all this strength and kindness that he's been unable to show effectively to actually come out in a way that doesn't backfire on him *g*

Waaaaaaaah!

Lovely like a weapon.

::sneef::

Thank you! I write a lot of angst, but this one was kind of a wrench to write, even for me.

I can hope for a happy ending, can't I? (Despite the fact that these guys are so totally fucked up!) I just reread the whole thing. It's riveting, unsettling and most excellent! I'm looking forward to the next installment.

Sure you can! I'm still hoping for a happy ending, after all. *g* Actually, I've come to the point where I'm sure I'll feel like it's a happy ending, but I have this history of writing stories I think are happy, and then the feedback comes in and people tell me it's ambiguous and painful. So, uh...YMMV? But I'm a firm believer in the idea that even totally fucked up people can make it work sometimes!

You know, I gave up Diet Coke a week ago, and this story knocked me off the wagon. John and Rodney's break up made me drive to McDonald's and buy a Diet Coke. I needed it to refresh my will to live.

All three boys would benefit from some group counseling. I doubt that will happen, so I am anxiously awaiting the next part of this!

Woohoo, I endangered somebody's will to live! I wonder if I can get some kind of stipend from Coke, or at least a free lifetime's supply myself?

And don't discount my willingness to go the counseling route! I was raised by psychologists, and if it's a good enough plot device for Aaron Sorkin, it's good enough for me.

ouch this story hurts. :( Not sure who to feel bad for because I don't think there was every any intent on any of their parts to hurt each other.

They really do all want the best for each other. They're just...not good with people. Any of them. I think that means it's okay to feel bad for all of them. *g*

Man, this is just so good. So, so good!

It's just so beautifully written that I fall in love with these characters over and over again because every time you post a new part I rush to read it and then I have to go back and re-read all the previous parts!

Thank you! I truly appreciate your dedication, because there's a lot of wordage in this series by now! It must take you forever to reread the whole thing. It's a great compliment.

I can't believe I read thid without reading the Note first...b/c now the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that you're talking about 8 and the little outtake future possible AU you posted a while back...and I may just hate you a little bit while still being utterly enamored with your abilities...maybe a little like John's feeling right about now??? ;-)

thank you!!!

I like to think John doesn't hate me...but truthfully, he probably does *g*

There really, really is an 8! And it'll resolve a lot of Ronon's issues and give John a chance to live up to his potential and genuinely be the good guy, and I think it'll be awesome when it's done. I'm sure there's no way to make everybody happy with the series (is there ever?), but I do plan to leave them all something other than bitter and miserable! *g*

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From:

cathexys.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 06:17 pm (UTC) - Expand

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From:

raveninthewind.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-07 09:11 pm (UTC) - Expand

That hurt. It was really well done. I kept trying to deny what was happening, but it was inevitable. I don't know how this can be made right, but I have faith in you. And now I have another reason to look forward to the start of the series.

I was wondering if John even remembers what he said when he was all drugged up in the aftermath of the bug-thing? Where he ordered Ronon to tend to Rodney. And where he implied that he (John) had sex with Rodney so that Rodney would be nicer to be around. Does John realize how much that hurt Rodney?

Thank you! I appreciate the vote of confidence!

I think John was way, way too doped up to remember any of that. But the odd thing about that scene is that, in his own stripped-raw and high-as-a-kite way, I do think it shows his affection for Rodney. He genuinely wants -- and through the series, consistently wants -- Rodney to be happy, to be happy with Ronon, if that's what it takes. Except for the way it's framed, there's really not all that much difference between John in Contagious saying he did it so Rodney would relax and not be so highstrung and John in this story remembering that he did it to help Rodney cope and to make him more comfortable with himself. And the flashbacks in Commitment, although admittedly they show that there was an element of boredom mixed in, are also a lot about John being concerned about him and wanting to do something to help. John's romantic feelings for Rodney really did grow out of his friendship; I think he tells Ronon about it while he's drugged because he knows that Ronon would understand that, them both being on the same page in terms of wanting to -- well, tend Rodney, in the figurative if not the literal sense. Anyway, I think that scene in Contagious is sad because Rodney clearly doesn't understand what's being said there -- can't translate from drugged-John into normal-human to see that what John is saying is, I've always tried to take care of Rodney, and when I can't, I trust you to.

Anyway, the whole series is a mess of bad communication, more than anything else. Somebody is going to have to become bilingual in this relationship. *g* I'm glad you're looking forward to the next one!

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From:

bakarti.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-08 12:48 pm (UTC) - Expand

Wow. WOWOWOWOWOW. I can't believe how in character you keep these guys. This is painful! I don't think I can wait to find out what happens! However, I have got to give you credit for following the episodes. Whenever I watch Ronon and Rodney on the hive ship in Allies, I get all mushy on the inside.

Thank you! And I'm so with you on Allies -- that and Inferno both are *fabulous* Alpha Centauri episodes. TPTB truly came through for me by the end of the season! (Also, every time I watch Coup d'Etat and Teyla holds up John & Rodney's wanted posters, my gut reaction is still, "Oh, noes! Ronon's BOYFRIENDS!")

Okay. *takes a deep breath* That just kicked my gut in. I'm definitely looking forward to more, but because you kept that little disclaimer with the future-fic about things possibly changing, and even though this reminds me so much of all those perennially on-off relationships, I'm damn near chewing my nails off wondering if they're ever getting back on the right foot again. It's like there's no end in sight, but that's really one thing that I love about this series.

Thank you! And there truly is an end in sight, I swear! I want 8 to basically resolve them into the relationship configuration they're going to stay in, although I'll probably do at least one post-AlphaCen story (because, Ronon on Earth! Discovering the wonder that is the Golden Corral! it's irresistible), and maybe some others as episodes come up that seem to demand it. BUT. 8 is going to pretty much get them all to the point where they like what they have and intend to keep it that way. Hopefully readers will more or less agree. *g*

Waaaaaaaah...

*hands over kleenex*

I read this yesterday, not long after you posted it, and had to go away for a while. It really tore me up. Then I remembered that you've already posted the ending -- or at least an ending, and one I really really love, so now I can comment without rending my clothes and wailing.

Very, very painful read, and in part because it reads so honestly -- their voices were so clear, just as clear as their pain and confusion. And when Rodney told John that he loved him, it really hurt.

Um. Thank you. I'm gonna go read the one set in San Francisco again, okay?

Thank you! I'm...glad it hurt, I guess. That always sounds weird to say, but what I wanted to do with this series was to create a poly relationship that a) even people who don't believe in poly relationships could like and root for, and 2) that didn't cheat by making things easy. I feel like this story is ultimately only satisfying (for me, at least, and isn't that what counts? *g*) if they really have to work hard to get there. I know it probably looks like torture for the sake of voyeurism some of the time, but really what I'm trying to do is make them all have to go outside their comfort zones for each other; I want this to be something that they earn, so that hopefully someday in San Francisco, they can look back and see what they have as something they made work, rather than something that fell randomly out of the sky. That's the goal, at any rate!

Well that was hurty and achy and very much the absolute spirit of an actual nasty, go for broke break-up. My heart was breaking for both of them. I'm waiting very impatiently for the start of the third series anyway, and knowing I have more of your 'Alpha Centauri' series to look forward to when it does finally start, just makes the wait all that much more hard.

I think it's kind of schizoid breakup, actually: both of them are constantly like "no, we're still friends, we can be mature and appreciate the good times" and then immediately it's back to "hi, I'm miserable, so have some punishment and/or blame!" And I'm totally with you on the waiting thing -- the last month before the new season *always* sucks, but this pretty much makes it doubly suck for me, too.

Always fun to hear in the past fucking tense.
Ouch! Poor John, even if he is being a total idiot. Also, I had to go back and re-read the entire thing, just to get in the right mindframe to read this part. It was not at all a hardship. Thanks!

I am constantly amazed by people who tell me they went back and read the whole thing -- that's a lot of reading! Your dedication to the cause is awesome. *g* Also, I think "poor John, even if he is being a total idiot" is kind of the slug line for this entire series *g* Thanks for the feedback!

Poor John, Poor Rodney. Poor Ronon. Poor everybody.

Part of me belives this is how it should have gone, and the other half is whining, "Fix it, please." John needs somebody to love him best. Or at least a John/Ronon/Rodney threesome. :D

John really does need love. Rodney is unfortunately too insecure himself, and Ronon too invested in their command structure, to just hold John down and say, "Look, you neurotic jerk, people are going to love you whether you know what to do about that or not, so just deal with it!" See, I think that would really solve a lot of problems. Sadly, it's also light-years out of character, so I have to go the long way around. *g*

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From:

raveninthewind.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-08 04:07 pm (UTC) - Expand

What does it say about them when the guy who spent seven years without human companionship is the least messed up?

We all need "Therapy, John. *Therapy*" icons.

What does it say about them when the guy who spent seven years without human companionship is the least messed up?

Human companionship messes you up? *g* Why do you think I avoid it at all costs? Seriously, I think Ronon is benefitting from what a pessimist might call "massively lowered expectations" and an optimist might call "a wider perspective." Hey, he's still happy he's got his own shower.

We all need "Therapy, John. *Therapy*" icons.

How awesome would that be? I love.

OMG I seriously cried myself in to a corner over that last paragraph. Oh god. I know that feeling. Oh god.

Wonderful part, but OMG how is Rodney missing this about John?

OW ow ow.

All breakups, I think, are inherently terrible in essentially the same way. Who doesn't know that feeling? As for Rodney.... I think that he's just so freaking honest and out-there with his feelings himself that it never even *occurs* to him that John could be feeling things he's keeping from people. He's socially retarded, and John is a paranoid, withholding crazy person, and they don't know it, but they're actually fortunate they have me managing their love lives, because in reality they'd *never* make it. *g*

(no subject)

From:

turtlespeaks.livejournal.com - Date: 2006-06-08 06:52 pm (UTC) - Expand

Just found and read the series with this update. I'm really enjoying them, but ow! this one was a gut blow. Well, it's supposed to be. Damn. And we have to wait *months* for the next update?? Sigh...

I hate rerun season! But I like new people discovering Alpha Centauri -- welcome! *g* Hey, it could be worse; some of these poor bastards have been following along since last August.

Oh, man-ow. ow ow ow. This is a rarity in SGA, the John/Rodney breakup, and it's fascinating. You've completely pegged both of them, and the argument, which by the way--ow. But in a I-can't-help-but-love-it way.

It takes a special kind of madwoman to enjoy writing breakup stories; this one was a little much even for me, but I really do think there would have been a collective "bwuh?" moment if I just skipped straight to Season Three and they were spontaneously not-boyfriends anymore, so it had to be done. Glad you liked it in spite of yourself!

Why do you keep torturing me? And why do I keep letting you do it?

You kill me with your skillful writing, and I'm going to hold on to the fact that when you get John and Rodney back together again, it will all be worth it.

::whimpers::

Why do you keep torturing me? And why do I keep letting you do it?

Because you wisely trust me. Other people get distracted by the fact that three out of the last five SGA stories I've written put Ronon in the hospital, and I had an entire four-year career in popslash as a Chris/Justin writer and never once turned out a single story where Chris and Justin ended up together -- but you! You know that my profound and deep-seated desire to, uh, write more John/Rodney/Ronon threesomes will see this through to an ultimately...not-broken-up end. Keep the faith!

Oh, this... hurt. But I must be a glutton for punishment, because I love this series.

*raises hand* I'm one of the poor bastards and it's killing me...thank god you posted this and I can go back and re-read all the others. How many more days till the season starts???

Ohhh I discovered the Alpha Centaury series yesterday and I have to say it: I love it I love it I love it though I hate it in the same time. This fic of yours so fucks with my mind that it is not even funny. It pushes buttons I didn't know I had.

It has my My Atlantis OTPs and (finally hopefully by the end)OT3 as the pairings. It is soo damn well written that it makes me whimper in delight in reading it and in envy that I can never write anything this damn good.

And while I was reading It I couldn't figure out what the hell it was that bothere me so damn much in this fic and made me go all claws out in some places. I really couln't figure it out and it bothere me that I couln't.

I love the characterizations, the premise the style everything but something still was soooo wrong.

I mean I completle dislike this Rodney in this fic and he is my favourite character in the series and I couln't figure out why. All three of them were fucked up bu he was the one that really rubbed me wrong.

Ohhhh and I finally got it what it was. Thank you thank you thank you for writing this part. Sheppard
nailed it in this dumping dialouge what bothere me so damn much. Oh damn it was a relief to finally understand why I disliked Rodney so much.

I can't wait for the next part. It will be a painful wait but so full of anticipation.

I so hope by the end all three of them will be happy :)

and thanks for writing something so damn good.

Ok I'll stop now my pointless ramblings :)

annakas