AlphaCen fic: Midway

[hth]

Midway
by Hth

Rodney/Sheppard/Ronon (post-series Alpha Centauri)
10,500 words

"The midway is divided into three main sections," Sheppard explained, making the same obscure pointing gestures he made in the field to indicate their next maneuver, "and each one is anchored by its own ferris wheel."

"I’ll give you a hundred dollars not to make us ride all three," Rodney said.

(A/N: Dear marythefan -- I'm sorry I made fun of the pie-judging contest. Love, Hth.)

Comments

[ratcreature]

This was a lot of fun to read. I loved the atmosphere of the carnival descriptions, John's love of ferris wheels and Ronon's interest in farm animals. And their relationship was great, and how their love showed, even though they bicker and squabble a lot with each other here. I also liked how the mundane stuff and arguments lead to deeper discussions.

I noticed one thing though, in the middle, first you have this sentence "Sheppard came off the Himalaya looking a good five years younger" and then a bit below that "He'd lost all the years the carnival ride had put back, and suddenly he looked out of place," and that sounded strange to me, because from context I thought it was supposed to mean that he looked older again, but the sentence was confusing for me, i.e. at first I didn't get whether the years referred to the age he has or the time remaining for him, so when I read that he lost years, at first I thought he seemed younger yet again, until I figured out that it might refer not to his age, but to his remaining time. Um, I hope my explanation what confused me made sense. It's really a minor point overall, but it completely threw me out of the story while I was reading.