This whole Hannibal Lecter routine doesn't entirely work for me. It's just way too built up for the actual level of threat involved. See, the thing about Hannibal is that even if you were too dumb to fully understand how badly he could fuck someone up by talking to them, he was famous for eating people, often while still alive. Yeah, that's inherently so ooky that it makes people react strongly to him, even when they are ostensibly in positions of power over him. This dude put a pipe bomb on a school bus. That's bad, but I dunno, it's just – regular crime? And yes, he makes weird statements about children with glowing eyes, but that's almost reassuring: oh, okay, schizophrenic, then! Got it! I just feel like it's hard to believe that both Melissa and the Sheriff would have gotten themselves all worked into a frenzy about being in the same building with this guy before they even saw him. He's a sad, crazy, sick dude lashed to a gurney, and this is a hospital. Pull up your big-girl panties and treat him.
Oh, man, Scott worked so hard on that prank! Hiding the sound of his phone ringing nearby, faking his sleepy voice, selling the idea that maybe this year he just isn't into Mischief Night. Lies and false facts! Not really Scott's strongest suit, but this time? Totally worth it.
I love that Scott's pack is falling into these rhythms for how to deal with stuff as a united front. Scott can stand there and listen to you and consider what you have to say, because he has Stiles to give you his tongue-lashing for him, and Isaac to demonstrate that no one's afraid of you. Their roles enable Scott to be, or at least appear to be, the thoughtful and measured one, without leaving the impression behind that he's manipulable. It's an act that capitalizes on all of their strengths.
There's a lot that's awesome/hilarious about the “hot girl” scene, but I think my favorite part is that it's a tiny bit of a callback to season one, when Scott was an anxious little fawn and it was Stiles' job to pep-talk him through his day. Now Scott obviously has a ton more grounding and confidence when it comes to werewolfing, but put him back in a fully teenage-human situation – there's a pretty girl in his history class and he doesn't know what to say to her – and he still needs the exact same pep talk. Just do it! You'll be fine! You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darnit, Scott, people like you! They're both still so themselves, even though they've changed so much, and I feel like there's always going to be a part of Scott that needs to hear things from out of Stiles' mouth before he fully believes them. Because he himself often feels confused about life, but Stiles Just Knows Things. (Also, my other favorite thing is Isaac deciding he doesn't really need an explanation for this, he's just going to jump on board. I think that's actually a very pack way to be – social animals, including humans, kind of default to agreeing with the group in order to stay in good with the group. Everyone says Scott is a hot girl? Well, that's confusing, but sure thing, buddies! Isaac is down with it! Whatever you say, that is also what he thinks!)
HEY, IT'S COACH! I feel like it's been aaaaaages. I love that Stiles really seems to believe that they do this “for” Coach instead of “to” him. You may not feel that way now, Coach Finstock, but you're going to miss Stiles when he's gone!
Did Peter just call his sister Talia-rhymes-with-Malia? Why can't they get the pronunciations together on this show? They called her TA-lia all last season! And I still wake up in the middle of the night actively pissed off all over again that Isaac's name is apparently Lahey and yet everyone says Leahy! Everybody just – get on the same page with this shit! At this rate I'm becoming convinced that Stiles' real name is Ebenezer and the reason no one can pronounce is is that they're all fucking brain-damaged.
Wait, what the fuck, Scott's Dad? There might be a bomber in the school, so you don't want anyone going in or out? Because I'm not some fancy-pants FBI guy, but this seems like an ideal time to execute the evacuation plan that the school probably has in place for just such an emergency. I mean, he may or may not be easier to find if you lock the building down, but I'm pretty much positive that his bomb is going to do less damage if it goes off in an empty fucking building, which seems like the more crucial, or at least more time-sensitive point here. Everybody listen to me: Stop being dumb. Right this minute. We have a lot more episode to get through together, y'all, and it's too early for me to start drinking.
OH! OH! YOU SHOULD TOTALLY DATE THE COYOTE. One of the joys of getting into the phase of the show where we have more girls is that I can finally start shipping the girls! (I suppose one could ship Allison/Lydia, but...for whatever reason, that never really worked for me. I think I still blame Allison for letting Lydia stumble around in the dark for an entire season and get her brain picked by Peter.) Kira/Malia seems to be the pairing the show has feinted towards a bit, and I'm not anti-that by any means. Although I do confess in my heart of hearts I have a preference for Lydia/Malia, just because they're both sort of brutal and it seems like they would make a lot of normal people cry by playing with their claws out (as it were), and yet they'd be totally impervious to each other. Also, though, I would not be opposed to Kira/Lydia, because it keeps getting more and more depressing how full of suck Lydia's life actually is, and I feel like someone should be sweeter to her than anyone ever is on this show. Kira seems (not unlike Scott) to have the sort of bulletproof sweetness that would blithely withstand anyone's attempts to throw rocks at her to make her go away, and she might actually be able to do some good there. Basically, I'm open to a wide range of possibilities here!
They must be clearing the building because he's not...? But also everyone stays in the school til three, just in case...there is a bomb inside it? Whatever. Fuck it. I'm drinking now. I'm a grown-up, I do what I want. You're right, Stiles. That is the worst.
Isn't the Bestiary a fucking PDF? Can't you do a search? Why is this entire episode suffering from a traumatic brain injury? Did someone drop the script on its head?
Well, Ethan, that's what you get! You can't fuck off for weeks and think Danny's still going to be pining over you. Have you seen Danny? Danny having moved on is the most logical thing that's happened in this entire episode. You live in a world where people are concerned about a mad bomber who targets children and was seen around a school, so pulling the fire alarm is the only way to get children out of the school where they're being contained in one large group. Your world is madness, and somehow this is what surprises you?
I don't know if they're pals in real life, or if it's just one of those ineffable things, but Hoechlin and Bohen have terrific chemistry together as actors. Every time they have a scene together, Derek appears to come out of the weird fog of Hot Broody Guy that he wanders around in, and has facial expressions and emotions instead. It's not terribly convenient for anyone that the actual main characters of the show don't seem to bring that out in him, because then you end up with seasons like this where there's practically a whole separate tv show happening just to give Derek and Peter something to do. (I'm not going to lie, I would watch the fuck out of that show, though. It'd be this totally crazy-ass, hyperviolent cartoon of a spinoff, like Werewolf Dukes of Hazzard.)
Why has Scott never eaten sushi before? I realize I'm some kind of hipster foodie asshole, but I grew up in the goddamn suburbs, in the 90s, in Missouri, and I was eating sushi on the regular by my early 20s. I feel like in this day and age, in a clearly prosperous town in California, you would have to work really hard to be someone who was surprised and put off by the concept of sushi, even as a teenager. I mean, I can see him not eating a lot of it. He's responsible for his own food a lot, or I suppose at the mercy of whatever his mom leaves in the fridge, so he probably does default to a lot of basic, predictable dinners. Hell, if they want to say he's never eaten it, fine, I can go with that. But he looks so terrified by the idea, like he's afraid they're serving him something that's going to start crawling off his plate. Sushi is a thing! You can buy it in the fucking deli case in the supermarket! I can't believe he'd really react as if he were being given this totally alien substance, in this day and age. It's just making him look like a dolt, and not in a cute way. He's not four. Scott, I am hipster-foodie-asshole disappointed in you!
I'm a big fan of Stiles' murderboard, because as I have done a poor job of hiding, I'm a big fan of Stiles: The Night Stalker (I'd have gone with an X-Files joke, but in deference to Stiles' feelings about the FBI, you get Kolchak instead. Hey, why haven't they rebooted that show yet? That seems like an obvious oversight, Industry). It probably would help if he focused a little and didn't try to use the “just pretty” yarn, but he's learning! It's a good start! Also, I really enjoy the relationship he's established with Lydia, now that he's quit being all “She will be MINE!” Lydia's not that concerned with a lot of people, but she's genuinely concerned that something she did got Stiles in trouble.
So, sure, they're in a chemistry classroom, but “Obviously they're atomic weights” seems like a little bit of a jump, given just three numbers to work with. I mean, I think these two smart kids could crack that code, but the way it's framed is odd. I'd have gone with something like: “Lydia, what are those?” “I don't know.” “They add up to 160. Does 160 mean anything?” “They could be atomic weights...” “What, like a chemical formula? Like for an explosive?” “Well, not really. 19's potassium...” Etc.
So, now knowing that Melissa's maiden name is Delgado, is it hard for anyone else to resist placing her in the Modern Family universe? Javier Delgado could be her slack-ass, ne'er-do-well cousin. Someone get Benjamin Bratt on this! But seriously, folks, here's what I'm curious about: I am given to understand that Tyler Posey is biracial and this is perhaps a nod to that by implying Melissa is also Latina, but what's curious to me is that his father's name is Rafael, which is a super weird first name for an Irish dude. So I imagine he's the character who is supposed to be biracial? And Scott is actually three-quarters Latino rather than half? (I realize “Latino” isn't exactly a race, but “biethnicity” doesn't sound like a word, and none of them seem to be bicultural, so I guess I'm sticking with what I've got.) Or maybe both his parents are meant to be biracial! Melissa is a very Anglo name, but that could equally well imply an Anglo Grandma Delgado, or just a highly Americanized family of more or less distant Hispanic descent. I realize it's not very relevant, as Scott's level of connection to his presumed Hispanic roots seems to begin and end at assuming all meals come with a side of guacamole, but I'm curious now.
I love that Kira's response to “no offense to sushi” is, “Yeah, no, it's okay, you're clearly a moron and it was unkind of us to serve you food when we could all see that.” See, Scott, you're cute, so you can get away with eating like a fucking four-year-old.
I'm not 100% sure that Allison whipping her clothes off makes the point she thinks she's making there about how totally impervious she is to Isaac's charms, but I buy it as the kind of thing you think for a second makes perfect sense and then look back on and go “???” I mean, I think it's supposed to prove that he's thrown more off-balance by her body than she is by his, but...those aren't mutually exclusive? So it proves very little? The scene is totally redeemed by Chris, though (AS MOST THINGS ARE). I love how the scene subverts the stupid “Dad has a shotgun with which to protect his daughter's precious, precious innocence” trope in the very final seconds. I went from “this is kind of cheap and gross” to gasping from laughing too hard all at once, and it was awesome.
“Nobody cares about crappy remakes.” Yes, I do see what you did there. Very clever.
So who did Barrow see with the glowing eyes? It's not clear to me when exactly his crime was committed, but long enough ago that he's been tried and convicted and in prison for – a while? So probably longer than the year or so that has happened in show-time since Scott was bitten? (This is Halloween of his junior year, and he was bitten early in his sophomore year, true?) And yet as far as we know, there were no werewolves in Beacon Hills prior to that, other than freshly-arrived Laura and Derek, neither of them teenagers, and barely-mobile Peter. I guess it could have been someone from our s1 and s2 cast that he saw, and it all just snowballed really quickly, but you really have to put the extenders on your suspenders of disbelief for that one. Anyway, I was thinking about this during the brouhaha in the power station, because I couldn't track what the hell was going on in the power station. If you're going to stage an action scene, Show, you have to light it! It's all well and good if you want your horror to be the Darkity Darkest of Dark Darkness, but if that's literal and not metaphorical, I can't actually see the scary things.
I really, really, really thought Isaac was toast there, so well done on being the kind of show that can credibly pull off the threat to kill practically anyone.
Tl;dr, this episode is an affront to logic and rationality in every possible way, but also super ridiculously adorable. I can't hate it. I hate myself for how much I like it. This episode is the hot girl. The hot girl that you forgive for her erratic and narcissistic behavior, even as you know that forgiveness benefits no one, because you just want to touch her hair. That was this episode.